Mary Sue
by Mrs. Norris and Prof. Snape
Summary: The tale of Mary Sue. It can't get any worse, can it?


_Disclaimer_: We do not own the Potterverse and everything connected with it. It belongs to J.K. Rowling. We do, however, own the plot.

_Title_: Mary Sue  
_Original author_: Mrs. Norris  
_Original language_: Russian  
_Translation author_: Prof. Snape

_A/N_: I don't care if you don't know how to brew a Dreamless Sleep potion! It's your problem! Miss Sue certainly doesn't, no matter how hard Mrs. Norris tried. As usual, this story was originally in Russian and at Mrs. Norris' sudden plea, I felt compelled to translate it. *WHAM! "Severus!"* Whatever... Now, back to that DS potion...

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_Mary Sue? Mary Sue is a sixteen-year-old witch of exceptional beauty, astonishingly smart, loved by everyone, ideal in everything. Usually, at the end of the story Mary Sue finds the love of her life in one of the original characters of J.K. Rowling. But is every Mary Sue that lucky in her life?_

***

The sun was rising above London, lighting everything, reaching into every window. And that somewhat ragged blue window in a lovely two-floor cottage was not an exception. A playful sunbeam went through the thin glass and stopped on the face of a sleeping girl. Instantly, Mary opened her eyes to look at the alarm clock.  
-It's ten already! - exclaimed Mary and took her head into her hands. - Oh, Great Wizards, I'm late again!  
The girl sprang to her feet, stealing another glance at the clock, just in case. The small hand was pointing at ten and there was no hope left. For the second time that week Mary had overslept and was late for school but there wasn't anything she could do about it. Her grades were bad as it was, well, the same could be said about her relationships with teachers, and now - this most unfortunate event!  
Calming down a bit and making up a plausible excuse for her parents, the girl by the name Mary Sue looked out of the window and smiled to herself. "I know, - thought she, - I... I feel that this day will be special! It will change my whole life!"  
For several years Mary had been sure of her inordinarity as well as of the fact that she was not made for this ordinary, boring world. Miss Sue knew for sure that she was a... witch.  
Mary hastingly got dressed and went up to the mirror. A girl of sixteen with an unexpressive, thin and pale face, a huge nose, sunken eyes and disarranged teeth looked back at her. Her body... well, there just was no body. You can't call it anything else. However, Miss Sue looked at her reflection with admiration and flashed a flirting smile at the lifeless piece of glass.  
Afterwards, having had a light breakfast, Mary went down into the garden and ran to the mailbox. Putting her hand with long thin fingers inside, she froze. The girl closed her eyes. Her hand felt a flat envelope. Maty jumped in surprise.  
- Here it is, - she whispered, - here! The letter from Hogwarts! Goodbye, my old life, goodbye, the Muggle world! Oh, Great Wizards! Finally! I have been waiting for so long! I'm so scared... but... here it is! Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!  
With shaking hands Mary grabbed the envelope and brought it to her teary eyes.  
Surprise turned into shock. In firm handwriting that didn't belong to any of the staff at Hogwarts, the address of Mrs. Ernie - Mary's aunt - was written on the envelope. The girl reread the address ten times and finally made sure that it had nothing to do with Hogwarts. A wave of desperation passed over Miss Sue and she dropped to the grass almost lifelessly, covered her face with her hands and sobbed loudly.  
However, after only a few minutes Mary's depression vanished into the warm spring air. Remembering that the day had just begun, the girl confidently stood up and went to take a walk in the busy town in hope of meeting at least one wizard on her way. With this happy feeling she passed through the gates and, shocking bypassers with her extraordinary features, almost ran in an unknown direction. 

***

Time flew, it was getting close to dinner and Mary Sue, gathering all her magical abilities as not to cry, was heading back home. Exhausted with hanging around the town, she was trying to decide whether it was better to drown herself to get rid of all the problems (and to make the wizards at the MoM go mad with frustration at missing on the most talented witch in the world) or to wait for one more week and to postpone revenge.  
Mary's thoughts were interrupted by a silky male voice right above her ear. The girl slowly raised her eyes and gasped. A tall man in dark clothes stood next to her. His rather long black hair was in a desperate need of a wash and his even blacker eyes, deep like tunnels, seemed to pierce her mind...  
"Severus Snape!" - thought Mary. But upon closer examination she understood that it was not Professor Snape but just her chemistry teacher, Mr. Gray.  
- Miss Sue! - yelled Gray in a wild voice, - you were absent at the lesson again! How much longer do I have to tolerate it?!  
- Er... Mr. Gray... - began Mary, - it's not my fault, really...  
- What was it this time? Do you have any idea that your grade is this close to an "F"?  
"Ah! he looks so much like Snape! - thought Mary, looking at her teacher. - WAIT! - was a sudden thought, - it's him! How come I didn't notice before? He was sent for me! We've only had him for two months! And I! I couldn't figure it out from the start! Stupid! Of course!_ THEY_ couldn't just leave me!"  
Severus Snape was Mary's favorite character. She was head over heels in love with him ever since the first "Harry Potter" book and now for several years running could dream only of him (_A/N_: Yuck!). And when Miss Sue recognized Mr. Gray as her long-time love, her heart leaped and seemed to have stopped beating. Mary's eyes were gleaming with such warmth and love that Gray felt uneasy but quickly recovered.  
- I am asking you, Miss Sue, - countinued the teacher, - what on earth has happened?  
- Um... Mr. Gray, - whispered Mary, changing in face, - you see, I ... mmm... overslept.  
- Overslept?! - roared Gray, - Well, Miss Mary, you have finally overstepped all bounds! To your information, you had a test today! And what am I supposed to do with you?  
Mary was completely enchanted by the velvety voice. Her love towards "Professor Snape" was starting to overwhelm her and, lowering her voice a tad more, Miss Sue softly wondered:  
- And what is it like to be a spy?  
- Excuse me, what? - asked the dumbfounded Gray.  
- Don't worry, I know all about you. How stupid I was, I've just realized, you know. Well, when must I pack?  
- ???  
- Well... you've come to collect me, right?  
- Miss Sue, stop your jokes! You still won't get away from the final test!  
But Mary wasn't listening to him. She was smiling dreamily, exposing her disarranged teeth.  
- Professor! - cried she, - I'll do anything! Just take me away!  
Mr. Gray stepped back. The sight of Mary seemed to scare him so much that he was ready to run for his life. In an instant he not only forgot about the test but could hardly say his own name.  
- We'll talk... hm... at school, Miss Sue, - managed to say the teacher and quickly left.  
Mary sighed. Gray was so much like Snape! Love turned out to be a mirage and Hogwarts had once again become an unreal dream.  
It was getting late.  
With slow movements Mary was coming up to her house #5 on the *** street.

***

- John! Stop trembling, will you? See, there's no one in the house!  
- M-m-michael!  
- Now what?!  
- What about the neighbors? What if they see us? What if someone returns home early?  
- Gods! Why did I even bother with you?! Give me another pick. This one doesn't fit. Are you sure, you've switched the alarm off?  
- Yes, but...  
- Well, that's it then! Stop getting on my nerves or...  
- MICHAEL!  
- Shut up, John!  
- Michael, they're coming! Let's go!  
- You're seeing things again!  
- No, I'm not!  
- For the mil... - The tall man didn't finish. A dark, slim shape was approaching him.  
- Run! - cried the short, plump man in black.  
- Too late, - said Michael.  
- WE'RE CAUGHT!  
- Don't panic...

***

Mary stared in wonder at the two men doing something weird near her house. However, a few seconds later it dawned upon the distraugh, after meeting the teacher, girl. Both men wore black and from afar they looked like inordinary people. People? "Maybe they're not even people? - thought Mary. - They're wizards! Oh, I knew this day would be special!"  
- Hello! - called Mary, approaching the strangers. - Hello, are you from the Ministry?  
- Yes, we... we... - stammered John.  
- Of course we are, dear! - exclaimed Michael, who was somewhat smarter.  
May Sue jumped in joy and nearly hugged the "ministers". Encouraged by the reaction, Michael decided to escape the unpleasant situation and... to make the best of it.  
- From the Ministry of Magic? - cried Mary.  
- Exactly, dear! - continued the shocked Michael, giving John a disdainful glance.  
- You've come to take me away from the Muggle world, right?  
- Of course, of course... - Michael was ready to curse everything... John seemed about to faint, - but we can't enter your house, - finally found the tall stranger.  
- But you're wizards! And spells? _Alohomora_, for example!  
Michael thought for a few seconds and gave a brilliant answer:  
- But as far as I understand, you're a young witch. You've certainly taken precaution and warded the door!  
- Well... Oh, yes! - exclaimed Mary Sue. "I must have warded it without noticing myself!" she thought and, to escape further questions, handed the strangers the keys.  
- Good girl!- said Michael.  
- So, when do I pack? - asked Mary.  
- Mm... soon. Soon, my dear young witch. But first... well... you have to contact our people on the next street. You'll find them. They're wearing turquoise robes. And in the meanwhile, we'll have to visit your house.  
- What for?  
- Ministry secret.  
- Ah, I get it! - winked Mary Sue, - and is it true that I'm a very powerful witch?  
- Oh! The most powerful! - beamed Michael, - Now, hurry! Everything must be done quickly!  
- Of course! - smiled Miss Sue flirtingly and with a happy face ran through the gates. 

***

"Oh, I knew this day would be special!" - joyed Mary as she proudly marched the familiar street but still not noticing a single person in turquoise robes.

***

_What happened then? Well, nothing, actually. Her life was still the same, the Hogwarts letter didn't come, she didn't turn into a beauty. And... that day had really become inordinary for Mary's family.  
_ The End 

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_P.S._: We don't mind if you say that this story was a complete "Mary Sue". 


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